Countdown to sahm...10 days

Well. I found out they aren't replacing me at work. They are farming out my responsibilities to other departments. That's fine, I don't care...it's just that...

I can't get a bank job, and now my current job has decided they don't need me...

It seems I don't have any value to anybody.

Including my husband. My value is in what I do for him. Which, up till now, has been, make money, provide insurance, and take care of the family too. Pretty much everything. It's been no secret that he liked that I worked.

I called him cause I was upset about the feeling worthless. You know when you just really need to talk to someone and have them make you feel better?

He pretty much said, "Yeah, well...this is what you wanted."

He doesn't give a shit about me, and is going to resent me just like my first husband did. The only people who love me no matter what are my kids. Who aren't home all week (at xh's parents). I want my kids.

So....right now I just can't wait till these two weeks are over and I can start ENJOYING my new life. Right now...not so hot. Why couldn't I have just gotten the bank job. I wonder if people ever stop to think that not getting a job, losing some money, etc...can actually ruin someone's life. I wish the people who made the decision not to hire me knew what it meant to me.

So now....I am a nothing.

Countdown to sahm...11 days

Well, again, first time at this blog in like a year and it took me about 20 fucking minutes to figure out how to log in. I think I got it now. I hope. I'd really like to start doing this on a regular basis.

So..countdown to sahm....or pt job mom...but either will feel like a fucking vacation to me...11 days.

I'm feelin pretty good about it. I've had some emotions today because:

1. I got my kiss off ffrom the 5 star job, and

2. I was reminded of how I screwed up my life after my divorce by not finding out what happened with my teacher certification.

So those things just made me go all over in my head again how I was once a bright girl with potential...and now I'm a fat waste of life.

But...I swear this is going to be the best change...and I'm going to tackle that fat part first. I was never fat till I got this job. Get rid of the job...get rid of the fat.

God it sucks that I had so much to say, but lost it all while I tried to figure out how to log into this thing.

Oh, oh! And the best part of my day! I am getting my child support TODAY! I love Denise!! LOL, is that strange? To say I love my exhusband's wife? She is giving me my August child support TODAY, though it's only the 29th. My exh is in Afghanistan...so that's why HE doesn't give it to me. This makes me happy because now I will have the money for the Gymboree back to school sale that starts tomorrow, and to buy my dd's birthday presents while she is not home (she's with xh's parents this week, they go a week every summer).